That moment

Yes, unfortunately THAT one.

The one where you have to let go of all of your ideas for the marathon you have been working toward for so many months.  The one where you scratch not only your A goal, but also your B goal and your C goal, and your goal becomes "Finish".

*sigh*

So the whole tweaked back/back out thing from ten days ago...turns out to be a little bigger than a tweak.  Thankfully it's nothing too horrific, or anything permanent, but to hear "bulging discs" isn't real thrilling when you are 9 days out from what was supposed to be an unbelievably awesome race.

Another visit with the dr today.  When he starts with "how are you holding up?" and then gingerly asks "have you been able to run at all yet?" looking slightly wary of your answer, it's just not good.  He was thrilled that I was able to log 3 miles on Monday and another 4 yesterday.  He was also thrilled that I've recovered as well as I have thus far.  Smart man to not tell me right at first how bad it really was.  And to not tell me ten days ago that I was looking at 6wks till I was feeling back to normal.

Six stinking weeks.  That's a long time people.

To add insult to injury, yesterday I picked up the nasty sinus/cough/sore throat garbage that one of my kids has had.

Really?

Ok, so quite frankly that all sucks.  This marathon will not be fast the way I wanted it to be.  My A goal was 3:40 something, with an A+maybethestarswillalignandI'lljusthaveamagicalday goal of slipping in under 3:40 and snagging a BQ.  Now, well, we'll see if I can at least manage to sub-4.  That's my new A+ goal.  I'm not betting on it, but we shall see.

Right this moment I'm focusing on DFL>DNF>DNS.
(DFL: dead freakin' last, DNF: did not finish, DNS: did not start)


But as always, there is good news here too.
First and foremost, Aaron finished off the gelato last night so I can't drown my sorrows in that tonight.
Ok, so that's not the most important, but it is good news.  Really.
(Did I mention that I tend to revert to my old food issues when I can't run?  That I drowned my sorrows over not running last week in a lot of crap food?  Yeah.)
Seriously, big good news is that my back is improving.
I have the go ahead to run, and to go for the marathon if I'm feeling up to it.  With another adjustment next week and a KT Taping the day before the race, I am planning on running it.
Dr was also optimistic about my back being in fine shape to still hit the 5k and half I have in 3wks and 5wks (though I will likely have to let go of PR plans), and be in great shape for Ragnar (did I mention we're on the same team?), that is six weeks from Saturday.

And perhaps the best news is that I get time to digest all of this.  Had something happened that made my race just fall apart mid-race, I know myself well enough to know that I would beat myself up for it for a long time.  Especially since it takes so dang long to prep for a marathon.  I would pick it apart minute by minute and come up with a million ways that I had failed.  There may still be some angry tears, especially since I can't go for an angry run, but if that's the worst that happens, oh well.  Knowing now that this is the pill I get to swallow doesn't make the pill any less bitter, but gives me time to get my head on straight and get a little perspective.  I get to run.  I get to soak up view of a gorgeous canyon.  I get to feel the energy and excitement and just plain awesome that is a marathon.  Even if it may not be quite in the manner I expected it to be.  

It was very appropriate that the Runners World quote of the day that landed in my email late last night was this:

Do the work.  Do the analysis.  But feel your run.  Feel your race.  Feel the joy that is running. 

-Kara Goucher 

         
  New race mantra for this one: "feel the joy".

We'll see how it goes.

Cinco de Mayo

Before we cover some fabulousness from Sunday, let's hit the most important part of a lovely Monday.

I ran.

Hallelujah!  I had 4 miles on the schedule, cut that down to 3, still don't feel 100%, but felt good enough.  Decent pace, no real pain, just feel a little...off.  I have recovered some hope, but I have to admit that a mile in I thought "there is no way I could run 26 miles feeling like this".  Still 11 more days...still time for hope...
I have one for sure appointment with my dr a couple of days before the marathon, and I'm on the cancellation list for this week (please someone cancel your appointment!), hoping that will do the trick and I'll be back on track.

And now, Cinco de Mayo and me rolling around inside a giant inflatable ball.

(yep, too lazy to crop the tv out of this pic today)

I come by my desire to do events and holidays in a fun way through my dad.  Though life right now is crazy enough that I don't do that with any consistency (the year of the Dr Seuss party was the last super awesome year), one day I will!  For now I gladly let him cover it.  He goes all out when hosting anything.

Yesterday one highlight was definitely the costuming that we received when we walked through the
door.

The food was awesome (Cafe Rio copy-if you haven't been to Cafe Rio look up the closest location and travel there.  It's worth it.), and the evening was rounded out with churros and a piñata.

Good times.  Lots of laughs.  Dinner conversation is always interesting with my family (as proven by the infamous Easter dinner tweet), the highlight of that yesterday was when my dad was introducing us to a friend there for dinner and mentioned she was from Minnesota.  My sister asked her if she knew Brandon Walsh.  Awesome.  Though I think this gal was a little young for the reference.

On to the inflatable ball.

Have you seen these?

I am so tempted to go get one.

Why does my hand look ginormous?

My older girls got to try this out last weekend when they spent the day with my parents and kept telling us how much fun it was.  I was super stoked to see that I was under the weight limit, as were my kids who were anxious to roll me around the yard.  Although there was just as much squishing as there was rolling.

So much fun.

For your viewing pleasure, the experience of being inside the ball with me.

It's a little hard to hold the camera while being tossed head over heels.  

But this is hilariously fun.

And it does give you awesome hair.

0.35/32, 5 days later...

Five long days later.
Five days of chiropractic, massage, rest, heat, stretching and tens unit.

The good news:  I can stand up, and I am almost completely straight when I do so!  I can get Emily in and out of her crib and high chair.  I can get up from a chair without help.  I am finally (mostly) functional again.

The bad news:  I still can't run.

The good news: I still have 15 days till marathon.

The bad news: I only have 15 days till marathon.

Those numbers up there?  My mileage this week.
First week of taper meant only 32 miles on the plan for this week, I have run 0.35.  That's right, just over 1/3 of a mile.  At a pace two full minutes slower than I averaged over 20 miles last Saturday.   On Wednesday afternoon my chiro gave me the go ahead to try easing back into running.  I gave it one more day, heading out yesterday with the intent of running a mile or two.  I got around the block and knew that wasn't happening, so I headed home.  I guess the good news is that I actually ran that little distance, which is something I haven't been able to do for so many days?

This is not boding well for my mental state.

My back being out this time is definitely the worst it has ever been.  Which ironically is what my chiropractor said to me when I hobbled in on Monday afternoon.  I'd be lying if I said that this didn't worry me.

I built an awesome base before officially starting this training cycle, I have had an awesome training cycle.  Everything has lined up so nicely.  I've missed a couple of runs here and there, no biggie.  I missed one 16 miler thanks to a stomach flu.  Oh well.  But being completely out at this point is really freaking me out.  Especially as I've just revamped my goals for this race and should be lined up to kill this thing (relative to my last one).

A friend suggested that maybe this is a blessing in disguise.  Maybe it is.  Maybe my body needed a week of rest to avoid some injury that would have ended up a bigger issue.
Or maybe it's my punishment for ditching church on Sunday to go to Moab.  Just kidding.  Mostly.

I keep trying to get outside of my over-thinking, turn it around to how I would approach it if it were a friend of mine stuck in this spot, and apply the same advice I've given to friends frustrated by injuries.  I would tell her that a week off isn't going to ruin anything.  I would tell her to be patient, to just rest and relax and let her back get better.  I would tell her to trust her training and all of the hard work she has put in, and to trust her body.   And very worst case, it's just one race-if it doesn't go as hoped, there will be others.

Sometimes it's incredibly hard to listen to your own advice.

Weekend Wrap Up part 3: Baby Got Back

Yes, I just brought Sir Mix a Lot into this.

Though more accurately that should say "Baby Got BAD Back".

Monday morning we woke to this view:

Awesome.

As you can imagine, it wasn't a particularly restful night with 9 kids in a different place, but oh well.
I crawled out of bed a little stiff, but didn't think much of it because of what I just mentioned.

Of course I brought running clothes along, and headed out for a few quick miles while the rest of the herd tackled breakfast.
Well, it was supposed to be a few quick miles.

I had the pleasure of running here two years ago for Red Rock Relay.

I was so excited to head off down this path again.

But that was not to be.

As I walked up to the road I loosened up a little, but just couldn't quite shake the tightest spot in my back.  I crossed the street and attempted to break into an easy run.  That's when it happened.
I felt my back go.

I hobbled along for a bit, hoping that moving would loosen things back up, stopping every few feet to stretch things out.
It wasn't happening.
So I hobbled back to the hotel.

As soon as I walked into the room Aaron could see it.  I looked like I did the day after Christmas 2011.
Not Awesome.

This was my shadow when I fought as hard as possible to stand straight on Monday morning.

Really.
If you've ever experienced this as your version of "stand up straight", you know how this feels.
And that killed half of the plans we had for hiking on Monday.  Dang back.

Oh well.  We made the most of what we could do!

We still managed to get a couple of short jaunts in, thanks to Malia's willingness to carry Emily in the pack so Aaron could wrangle Sam while I gimped along behind everyone.

We had to default to the lower view of Delicate Arch.  Totally bummed that we didn't get up there, but glad the kids got to see it, even if it was from a distance.

There is great irony in the fact that I had packed this shirt for Monday.  I got a lot of interesting looks as I limped along leaning sideways wearing a shirt that said "I Run This Body".  It was amusing.


We did get in to see Sand Dune Arch, which was definitely a favorite of the kids.

Lots of places to climb, plenty of soft red sand to play in.

Sam had so much fun trying to keep up with everyone.

And he was beyond thrilled when he found his very own rock, just his size, that he could climb up and slide down like the big kids had been doing on the bigger rocks.

It made me thrilled to see these little feet peppered with red sand.

Everyone ended up with plenty of sand in their shoes, which of course turned into a contest to see who actually had the most in their shoes.

Lincoln and Charlotte made pretty impressive piles of sand when they emptied theirs.

We hated to have to cut out earlier than planned, but with me not in a place where I could do any real hiking-or even long walks, and with desperate need to try and get in to my magic chiropractor before he left for the day, we had to wrap things up.

It was completely impractical to take off for 36 hours, but it was so great.  There is just something about a road trip with the fam.  Can't wait till we can do it again!

Weekend Wrap Up part 2: Be spontaneous

Aaron and I have a continuous joke.  It comes in the form of "let's go somewhere".
Frequently when we are out driving somewhere one of us will say "let's just keep driving".

But really, between work, kids, school, and well, just life in general, packing up for an impromptu jaunt out of town isn't realistic.

That doesn't stop us from throwing it out there.

Well, on Sunday morning it got thrown out there again.
"Let's just go somewhere."

But this time, after throwing it out there and kicking it around, we actually did.

In a little over an hour we packed up 11 people and drove out of town.

Be spontaneous!  Carpe diem!  Keep life interesting!

The kids were blown away, and perhaps the older ones were a little nervous that mom and dad may have actually lost it.
Not yet kids, when that happens it will be on a much grander scale.

Since we live in such an awesome place, we had numerous options all within not too many hours.  But after chatting a bit we realized that we have been shamefully neglectful in sharing some of the wonders of Utah with our kids and they had never been to Arches.  (when you are always tackling the demands of infants and toddlers, most adventurous things get pushed to the back burner)

So off to Moab we went!

Now that our oldest kids are old enough to really be huge helps with the other kids all sorts of worlds are opening up!

We rolled in to Moab early in the afternoon.

 
I always forget how much I love it there!  So many great childhood memories.  So many amazing things to see.

And So. Much. Sunshine.  Hallelujah!

We checked out a couple of arches and windows, sticking with the short and easy walks so we could get an idea of how the littler kids would hold up.

So beautiful.

I am quite sure that no where in the world is the sky bluer than against red rock.

I learned this weekend that my kids have adopted their own signature pose, and it's not my double thumbs up.

Not sure when this kicked in, but I am wondering how many pictures with this pose we will get in the near future.

We talked another tourist (who barely spoke English) into taking a picture of all of us.

I think we scared him.  There are a lot of us.

We headed up to Delicate Arch as well, but at that point it was nearing 7pm, we hadn't had dinner, and the littlest littles were getting close to bedtime and worn out.  A little over halfway up as we watched the masses heading across the open slick rock, we decided it wasn't going to happen.  Too many people (sunset is a popular time to be there), too much chaos.

Back to the hotel, dinner and some time in the pool instead.

It was a fabulous day and the kids were thrilled to be there, as were Aaron and I.